asskickcr:

“She wasn’t very happy six months ago.”
“Don’t question the happiness.”
“the moment you question it is the moment it all goes to shit.”
“Well he’s trying to air the air matress up and the gf is tired so she’s just kinda laying there as he’s yelling at her to get off.”
“Now he’s under the mattress and falling asleep.”
“She’s beauty and she’s grace, she hit herself in the face.”
“I’ve determined I get sleep drunk prior to going to sleep.”
“That’s the full extent of my ability to pun in French.”
“Why do children scare me so much”
“That works better with a cane and a rifle.”
“I think we can agree that the entire human race is annoying.”
“Don’t punch a seagull again.”
“I scream laughed and then drooled on myself.”
“One he strangled and then threw the other one out the car.”
“You were born annoying.”
“Honestly she may be a bitch but she tells the truth once in a blue moon.”
“OH GOD THERE’S TENTACLES.”
“Yes, tentacle porn is going to be everywhere.”
“I’m needin’ feedin’.”
“Milk is the disgusting semen of Satan himself.”
“I’m incapable of shame.”
“Well, if y'all hate milk now I guess I can eat the ice cream for you.”
“There’s a mosquito in my house, and it’s bitten me five times, and I can’t catch it.”
“I can’t even catch food with chopsticks.”
“I'mma hit this motherfucker with another motherfucker.”
”I get overly pissed when people talk shit about ____ tbh it’s bad.”
”I’M TOO INVESTED IN THIS SERIES.”
“ALL I WANTED WAS A PURE children’s SHOW, AND NOT THESE EMOTIONS.”
”I WILL WALK OVER THERE AND MAKE YOU PROPER CORNBREAD DRESSING DAMMIT.”
”It’s weird to contemplate i do actually know how to cook.”
”Me and competence with anything don’t usually go together.”
“____’s not a fucking sweet prince.”
“Like as soon as I find the clip of ____ biting a piece of cardboard thinking it’s food, I’ll send it to ya’ll.”
“Honestly, at this point I’ve just got it ingrained in my head that if it’s some weird name i don’t recognize, it’s this chat.”
“We are a meme.”