I AM CONSTANTLY REACHING FOR WHAT IS UNATTAINABLE― PROMISES OF BETTER DAYS LEAVING MY LIPS AT EVERY TURN, FIBERGLASS DREAMS CRUMBLE BEFORE MY EYES. I DO NOT ASK WHY THE UNIVERSE WORKS THIS WAY. I INSTEAD GIVE THANKS THAT I AM BUT A SPECK IN A SKY OF ZILLIONS, BRILLIANT LIGHTS THAT DROWN OUT MY TROUBLES. I CLOSE MY EYES AND GIVE MYSELF TO THAT SKY AND SUDDENLY MY HEAD IS MUCH HIGHER THAN THE CLOUDS― UP AMONG THE STARS IS WHERE YOU WILL FIND MY MIND, BEDAZZLED BY NOSTALGIA AND WHISPERS OF YESTERDAY
HAILING FROM SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, JUNG SOOJUNG AKA KRYSTAL IS BEST KNOWN AS THE LEAD VOCALIST, MAKNAE, AND FACE OF POPULAR SOUTH KOREAN GIRL GROUP F(X). AT TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD, SHE IS A VETERAN OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY, FIRST APPEARING IN ADS AND MVS AT SIX YEARS OLD. OFTEN MISTAKEN AS “ICY” DUE TO HER COLD LOOKS, SM ENT’S PRINCESS PROVES TO TRULY BE SHY AND SOFTSPOKEN. ACTIVE AS A MODEL AND AN ACCOMPLISHED ACTRESS, OFTEN FOUND WITH ELDER SISTER JESSICA JUNG OR HASSLING HER MEMBERS. BREAD AND MANGO LOVER, ASTRONOMY ENTHUSIAST, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, SECRET WIFE AND MOTHER OF TWO.
he cringes inwardly at how she picks on that one thing yoongi regrets saying and hoped she’d somehow let go, and from the very first word that leaves her lips, he prepares an entire litany of apologies and explanations inside of his head, ready to be thrown out and hopefully drown the point of the conversation under the mass of words. but then she surprises him, acting all cool and approachable and understanding and absolutely fine with the subject, and once again it occurs to yoongi that even though this is thekrystal of f(x), they’re not that far apart anymore. that he’s no longer that shy kid from a small company group that’s struggling to meet ends and stands on the verge of disbandment – that they’re nearly equals, able to stand side to side, head to head, without one crawling at the other’s feet.
such a strange thought – yet not unwelcome one, not at all. yoongi rather likes these small flashes of sense of pride and accomplishment, even if they’re short, sparse and still feel like a dream.
“i wouldn’t play games like that with a sunbae, now would i?” he says, allowing himself those delicate teasing notes that slip in between the syllables, a small smile – none of those blinding, goofy gummy ones that are rather natural to yoongi himself and to people around him, but would probably just scare her away – curling his lips. if they’re about to spend quite a bit time together, which seems like a very tangible idea, judging by her reaction, he figures it’s only natural for them to get a bit more comfortable with each other, a tiny bit more friendly than just strictly courteous and professional.
“we’ll just have to do it… smart. you can’t come back with a fully produced track, because then they’ll question who saw it and where it was made, and that would only put you – and myself – into trouble,” he starts reasoning eventually, things that would otherwise stay in his head but they’re too important to not have krystal hear them too. if they were to do this –this being something not entirely legal, as far as their contracts go – they had to have a plan and agree on it. “it has to be… good but not too good, i suppose? look home-made. something like a well crafted concept, rather than a final product.”
it’s in this moment that he realizes how thrilling this whole thing is. like something that happens in a movie, and boy, what a good entertainment-focused piece of fiction this story would make. if only they could speak up about it, yoongi has a feeling it’d become a big hit. even bigger if this plan they craft here ends up being actually successful.
“it’s okay, we got this. we can work on the basic sound together, i’ll mix something in of my own and we’ll layer some test vocals – recorded by yours truly, of course – on top of it. how are your schedules these next few days, krystal-ssi? think you can sneak your way in here for a few hours a day, or do we have to work around something?” he has this habit of spinning left and right in his chair, a small movement here and a little movement there, (whenever it’s time to buy a new studio chair, he always makes sure it spins smoothly and swiftly, with as little force needed as possible), but the moment he voices his question, he stops and looks at her pointedly, in a way that just screams business.
but then – then the moment passes, and he lets out a small half-laugh, one hand rubbing the side of his neck in a somewhat uneasy gesture. “i know this is basically a very stressful situation for you here, but can i just say that i’m pretty damn excited? i’ve never even really dreamed about having someone like you in my studio. my life has been taking such interesting turns recently.”
she can’t help but take note of his expression as she speaks― eyes on her, the absentminded slight nods everyone was guilty of when paying close attention to someone’s words― and that, oddly enough, is what brings the situation into sharp focus. her companion wasn’t just letting her talk to appease her, he was actually listening.
it almost took her aback, the revelation that her opinion held weight here. oftentimes, she forgot just who she was… or rather, what her image, what her status was, that despite their lack of activity, her group remained one of the highest-selling of female groups in korea― not that she checked, or anything. though it wouldn’t be well known to anyone else, she was quite used to her thoughts falling by the wayside. the youngest, just a little fourteen year old kid at debut, ‘babyjung’ had stuck, and as a grown woman, it was apparent within her company that the maknae was still taken to be just a child, forever the youngest. oh, soojungie, adults are talking. it’s lovely that you want to help but you just don’t have the brains, child.
how tables have turned, hm?
the thought brings a smile to her face in tandem with his, offering a playful shrug. “how should i know? maybe you would love to mess with a sunbae, i’ve met plenty of people like that,” she laughs. “but i wouldn’t mind if you did. it’s different where i’m from, you know. california― well, in the states― years of experience isn’t synonymous with how much respect you draw. even after years of living here i’m still getting used to the whole, ‘more time doing the same work makes one of us wiser,’ and the lot. just―” she waves her hand with a good-natured smile. “what i’m saying is that i think of us as total equals, here. you’re welcome to mess with me.”
listening to his careful logic, she had to agree… too much work could not be done, not without exclusive permission. it would certainly land them both in hot water, and the last thing krys wanted to do was be the reason an artist she respected so greatly got into trouble. “i hear you. good… but not so good that we draw questions.” something about this felt so absolutely illegal― probably because it was― but almost in the sense of some wild ocean’s eleven kind of heist, or a mission to replace a valuable painting with an exact replica, leaving security none the wiser.
“i know i have the time,” she says hurriedly, almost too excited. “i have filming for just a few hours early in the morning, and that’s it i think… my next etude event isn’t for a few weeks, i moved that other shoot, so… yeah, i’m free. my schedule’s getting too bare, without any promotions.”
it’s his compliment that ultimately almost takes the smile off her face, if only because it takes her by surprise. “someone like me?” krys regrets her incredulous tone the second it escapes her, but she recovers quickly. “what i mean to say is, thank you. that’s… really kind of you. it’s kind of nice to know i’m worth getting excited about.” that brings out her laugh in earnest, covering her mouth with one hand out of habit. “i’m excited too, for sure. i love bts― i mean, i’m a big fan. and i’ve always thought that your work in particular stood out, and so i’ve admired you very much if i’m being honest.” oh my god krys, shut up.
“well here’s another exciting turn to add to the list. i might have to do some serious ninja shit to get here, but i’ll manage. i got as many days as it takes to fix this mess. and i’ll be forever in your debt. so as soon as you want to start, i’m down to make this mission officially a go.”
‘ *reading obituaries* suddenly i wish i was reading my own name. ’ ‘ you don’t even have oven mitts on! ’ ‘ wow. i could so easily freak out right now. ’ ‘ do you think it’s easy for me to see you with somebody else? ’ ‘ hey, you remembered to put clothes on this morning. ’ ‘ no more falafel for you! ’ ‘ we were on a break!! ’ ‘ you’re such a tattletale. ’ ‘ i love you goddesses! ’ ‘ everyone i know is either getting married or getting pregnant or getting promoted and I’m getting coffee. And it’s not even for me! ’ ‘ it’s ’ ‘ this is all a moo point. yeah, it’s like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter. it’s moo. ’ ‘ so, the ebola virus. that’s gotta suck, huh? ’ ‘ my gynecologist tried to kill me. ’ ‘ you can’t tell, but i’m trying to break the tension by mooning you guys. ’ ‘ boy, you are not a morning person. ’ ‘ yeah, well, i’m a slut. ’ ‘ how you doin’? ’ ‘ i am warm… for your form. ’ ‘ i’m really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse. ’ ‘ are you saying that you don’t wanna get with this? ’ ‘ hey, you’re a pathetic loser, right? ’ ‘ sometimes i wish i was a lesbian… did i say that out loud? ’ ‘ if i were a guy and… did i just say, ‘if i were a guy’? ’ ‘ i guess things were just going to well for me! ’ ‘ i don’t have a plan. i don’t even have a ‘pla.’ ’ ‘ he’s so pretty i want to cry! ’ ‘ prepare to feel very bad about yourself. ’ ‘ i’m sorry that’s who i am. i’m a positive person. ’ ‘ no, i’m a positive person. you are like santa clause on prozac at disneyland, getting laid. ’ ‘ i’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love! ’ ‘ she was nice. i mean, she’s a little slutty, but who isn’t? ’ ‘ honey, this is not your fault. just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify them sleeping with someone else. ’ ‘ from now on, i am not getting out of this chair, ever. okay? from now on, this chair is the one. ’ ‘ i wish i could, but i don’t want to. ’ ‘ alright, i took the quiz and, it turns out, i do put career before men. ’ ‘ look at him, he’s so cute. i just wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him! ’ ‘ i think, if it was a little colder in there, i could see your nipples through that sweater. ’ ‘ what’s wrong with me… oh, don’t open that door. ’ ‘ let me think, let me think… oh, i don’t care! ’ ‘ i have no idea what’s going on, but i’m excited! ’ ‘ i tend to keep talking until somebody stops me. ’ ‘ when i first meet somebody, it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating. ’ ‘ are we greeting each other this way now? because i like it. ’ ‘ it looks like you fell asleep with a hanger in your mouth. ’ ‘ you wanna play twister? ’ ‘ once, i got dumped during sex. ’ ‘ here we are, with our future before us, and i only want to spend it with you. ’ ‘ welcome to the real world. it sucks. you’re gonna love it! ’ ‘ hey, you cry every time somebody talks about the titanic. ’ ‘ if worst comes to worst, i’ll be your boyfriend. ’ ‘ who loses 57 coin tosses in a row? you know? heads, she wins. tails, i lose. ’ ‘ shut up! shut up! SHUT UP! ’ ‘ i’m so glad we’re having this rehearsal dinner, you know? it’s so rare that i get to practice my meals before eating them. ’ ‘ you always believed in me, even when i didn’t believe in myself. ’ ‘ you’re fake laughing too, right? ’ ‘ it’s sunday morning, i am not running on a sunday. ’ ‘ ugh, dammit. why did i open my mouth? ’ ‘ wow, we really are bitches. ’ ‘ so why don’t you be a grown up and come and watch some tv in the fort! ’ ‘ i don’t know what i’m gonna do with my life. ’ ‘ i’m full, and yet i know if i stop eating this, i’ll regret it. ’ ‘ kill me. kill me now. ’ ‘ i want to sit in a comfortable chair, watch television, and go to sleep at a reasonable hour! ’ ‘ what must it be like to not be crippled by fear and self-loathing? ’ ‘ a stripper at a bachelor party, that is so cliché. why don’t you guys get a magician?! ’ ‘ i’m curvy and i like it! ’ ‘ i don’t share food! ’ ‘ if i have to, i’d pee on any one of you. ’ ‘ the fridge broke so i had to eat everything. ’ ‘ you can’t have s-e-x when you’re taking care of the b-a-b-i-e! ’ ‘ you’re over me? when were you… under me? ’ ‘ these are just feelings. they’ll go away. ’ ‘ i used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me. ’ ‘ i mean, sure, i have my bad days, but then i remember what a cute smile i have. ’ ‘ offering people gum is not cooking. ’ ‘ i bought him a $500 watch and he wrote me a rap song. ’ ‘ you know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people. ’ ‘ no, inside good. outside baaaaad. ’ ‘ they’re always saying ‘let’s go here, let’s go there.’ like we can afford to go here and there. ’ ‘ i hate my job. i hate it. oh, i want to quit, but then i think i should stick it out. ’ ‘ you think i have $1200? i’m home in the middle of the day and i got patio furniture in my living room. ’ ‘ neat! i’m gonna die alone! ’ ‘ okay, could you just stop talking for a second? ’ ‘ i’ve sort of had feelings for you. ’ ‘ today, it’s like there’s rock bottom, fifty feet of crap, then me. ’ ‘ why am i friends with these people? ’ ‘ i eat by myself in the alley because everyone hates me. ’ ‘ i’m a lone wolf. a loner. alone. all alone. forever. ’ ‘ my life is an embarrassment! i should just go live under somebody’s stairs. ’ ‘ if i died, the only way people would know that i was here would be the ass print on this chair! ’ ‘ i always thought if you and i got married, that would be the one that stuck. ’ ‘ hi, i make jokes when i’m uncomfortable. ’ ‘ i am not ‘blah’, i am a hoot! ’ ‘ i just realized i can sleep with my eyes open. ’ ‘ up until i was 25, i thought that the only response to ‘i love you’ was ‘oh, crap!’ ’ ‘ if the homo sapiens, were in fact ‘homo’ sapiens, is that why they’re extinct? ’ ‘ do you think i need a new walk? ’ ‘ you don’t own a tv? what’s all your furniture pointed at? ’ ‘ just think of it like this: the third day. monday, one day. tuesday, two day. wednesday… when? huh? what day? thursday! the third day! ’ ‘ eye-contact? i hope you were using protection! ’ ‘ you were right, and from now on, yo make all my decisions for me. ’ ‘ you said your boss wants to buy your baby? ’ ‘ why god, why?!! we had a deal!! let the others grow old! not me!! ’ ‘ last night i was finishing off a pizza and she said, ‘a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!’ i don’t need that kind of talk in my house! ’ ‘ you’re druuuuunk. mom and dad are gonna be maaaad! …maybe i’m a little drunk. ’ ‘ let her know i like her? are you insane? ’ ‘ what’s it gonna take for you to forgive me? ’ ‘ isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic? ’ ‘ you’re crying over a doritos commercial. ’ ‘ that fake british woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance. ’ ‘ i think it’d be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other. ’ ‘ seriously… good luck on marrying me. ’ ‘ there is no ‘us’, okay? ’ ‘ i fell for you and i get clobbered. you then fall for me and i again, somehow, get clobbered. ’ ‘ it’s just not worth it. ’ ‘ we are never gonna happen, okay? accept that. ’ ‘ you know what? you’re the one who ended it. ’ ‘ i ended it because i was mad at you. not because i stopped loving you. ’ ‘ imagine the worst things you think about yourself. now, how would you feel if the one person you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you. ’ ‘ you were worth the wait. ’ ‘ that’s our baby. ’ ‘ you deserve to be with someone who appreciates and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing and adorable and sexy you are. ’
“if it’s any consolation, i hate outside too.” she could practically hear her family groaning, her friends making fun of her. antisocial krystal jung! look, she came out of her room for once! she didn’t find it quite as funny, how her inherent and unrelenting shyness made her dislike the general company of others, and they, just people, never failed to bother her from the moment she set foot outdoors.
“we could always just never leave, you know,” she quips, trying to make light of the subject as she pulls a few chips from the bag next to her and pops them in her mouth. “order food for the rest of our lives, just chill and never have to see another person again.”
“uhh… i don’t disagree with you.” krys’ expression was exasperated, if not entirely annoyed as she stood in the window, wincing at the scene outside. last she checked, the weather had called for possible light showers― but not the torrential downpour her eyes were met with, accentuated by the distant flashes and rumbling of approaching thunder. she certainly wouldn’t have bothered to venture out, especially to the mall, where her car was parked faaar out, and she was in heels. try to leave the house for one quick thing and this is what i get.
she wasn’t the only person watching the storm out the windows, and the comment of the female next to her at the very least was relatable. “i guess we’re all stuck for a while,” she sighs, turning her head to the other. “unless we wanna risk getting struck by lightning and i’m even less up for that than the rain.”
he makes a face. he can’t help himself, the muscles of his face acting as if on their own: there’s a tension in his eyebrows, pushing them a bit towards each other, the corners of his mouth turn a little downwards and a nostril on one side flares just slightly. he knows it’s rude, to make that kind of face, upon hearing a music most definitely coming from someone much more experienced than himself, created for someone of such idol caliber as krystal of f(x) herself – but he simply can’t help it. there’s just something in the crude tones of music, the noise it creates, the drafted words attached to it–something that both his mind, heart and body despises even beyond his consciousness and rule over his own reactions.
yoongi would lie if he said he’s not relieved to see that the older female – one of the idols he looked up to with starstruck eyes still a few years back, when he himself was struggling to make it through and not give in to the idea of disbandment – approved of his reaction. more than that, it sparked a whole deal of amusement upon realizing that her one pretty much matched his own.
“it’s just a demo though, right?” he asks, eyebrows still drawn together, but now, rather than an exaggerated expression of distaste, it’s more of an automatic gesture accompanying his thinking process. every company, even every producer, works in their own ways, but some things rarely changed: first, there is a need, there an idea, followed by a rough draft, a demo, moving onto adjustments (or scraping the project, which, in yoongi’s humble opinion, would be the best in this case) and eventually finalizing the track – which meant there’s still plenty of time to fix what’s broken.
“i have no idea how these things work with your label, we… well, i think we’re very lucky to have a lot of power over the creative process of the music itself. i know it’s rarely the case,” yoongi admits, trying to thread his words carefully, as to not accidentally offend the fellow idol or her label–they are a powerhouse on the korean entertainment’s market, and they were it for a reason. yoongi, no matter what and how much he has achieved, is in no position to ill-speak of them. even if, in this particular moment, his feelings are less than impressed.
“but can’t you somehow–impact their decision? i mean, you know your fans best. the management has numbers, sure, but there’s nobody more aware of what is expected by those who has stood by your side for years, than yourself. and in the end, your goal is the same: for the thing you put out to be successful–well, unless there’s something going on behind the scenes and they’re trying to sink you,” it’s a rather open and brave after-thought, and yoongi cringes inwardly at the fact that he voiced it at all; god damn it, min yoongi, hold your fucking genius tongue back sometimes, will you.
“what i’m saying is, they should at least consider your opinion, if only you come forth with it. tell them it’s garbage–uh, no, don’t tell them exactly that, but–you know. or try fixing it yourself, i mean, it’s not all bad… if you switched tempo here and there, added some beats, and rewrote the atrocious draft of chorus, it might make a bit more sense,” for a second there, he goes into his producer mode, turning in his swivel chair and tapping against the keyboard of his small studio, highlighting some parts on the screen, deleting others, copy-pasting some bits; all done on a demo that surely was adorned by a whole load of confidentiality policies that both of them are breaching at the very moment. oh well. what the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over, or something like that.
“i can help,” he says eventually, turning back around in her direction. it takes quite a bit of guts to say that, seeing how he is just a little dot on the entire picture that she is one of the main characters of, but he says it anyway, and he’s slightly proud of himself for this impromptu bravery. “there’s everything you may need here, and sure, it might take some time and efforts and logistic problems, but if you think there’s a chance it may impact their final decision, i think it’s worth trying.”
an involuntary and slightly bitter laugh leaves her as soon as she hears his implication. she knew he probably didn’t mean it that way, but she couldn’t help her amusement, the thought having occurred to her several times over the past two years and some-odd months of radio silence from her own agency, watching from the sidelines.
“sm? trying to sink us? this might sound out of line, speaking badly of them, but since i’m pretty sure they don’t have this place bugged, i think you’re absolutely right.” she leans back in her chair, crossing her legs almost instinctively, lost in thought for a moment as she speaks. “see… the thing is, it’s been like that for a while now. no comebacks, no special track appearances, none of our individual activities mentioned… hell. i do my reading, and people think we’ve already disbanded.” she pauses for a moment, pursing her lips at the rather upsetting notion, before continuing. “i don’t think it’s any secret that it’s been all about red velvet since the moment they debuted. don’t get me wrong… i love those girls. but the company sees how successful they are, and we suddenly look like old news. it’s their changing of the guard, so to speak. maybe i sound a little paranoid, but i think we’re being phased out. and this comeback… this comeback’s success means everything. it could make us, or break us, and i’d really like to not go out like this.”
she lets her words sit for a moment, tilting her head to listen to her companion’s input. he was right; the company should value her opinion. whether or not they would, however, was debatable, but krys was pulled from that thought process when he turned his back to her, changing up some things on the track while she looked on. years back, a younger version of herself would have freaked out― wouldn’t have even had the demo in the first place. but the pressure of knowing she needed to do something had led her to ‘accidentally’ slip the flash drive into her purse when a certain producer had cast his eyes elsewhere. and i can’t say i’m even sorry.
she wasn’t fully expecting the word ‘help,’ but hearing it turned on some sort of light in her, a hopeful smile illuminating her features. “really? would you?” krys beams, and immediately kicks herself for her kid-in-a-candy-store tone of voice. woah there. cool it. she may have had more industry experience than suga, but her repeated listens to his work and that of his group’s had built up a high respect for him in her mind― one that her shyness had previously held her back from expressing. trying to adopt a more relaxed expression, krys still couldn’t help nodding vigorously. “i mean… if you have the time, my whole group would be so grateful. i just know that something good can come of this, and… knowing what i do about the things you’ve already worked on, i trust your judgement. i’ll help too!… if i can. i’m not as versed in all of this as you,” she admits, waving her hand toward his monitor, “but i might be able to help tell what sounds good… again, if it’s not too much to ask.”
weddings were supposed to be a happy moment in life, and for the two people getting married it was. however for jaeyong, he was less than enthusiastic about the nuptials. he didn’t care much for weddings, they were a big waste of money in his opinion, but since it was his brother who was getting married, jaeyong supposed he could act happy just this once. once he had said his best man speech and had his plate of food from the buffet, jaeyong made his way to his table only to run into someone and simultaneously drop the food on his plate at the same time. “my shrimp!” he said, a slight pout forming on his lips before turning his attention towards the person he’d run into. “ah i’m so sorry, i should have been paying attention to where I was going.”
she wasn’t paying attention, that much she would readily admit. lost in thought, admiring the way her nail polish sparkled in the light, she couldn’t even really recall where her mind had been― just that there was a sudden impact and a clatter that dragged her back to earth. krys didn’t mind weddings, on the contrary, she was that girl, the one that had her own planned at age five, the kind that cried over the ‘i do’s of people she hardly knew. however, it seemed everyone was getting married recently… everyone, from her manager to her choreographer’s sister’s third cousin. connections meant lots of invites, her inability to say no meant she had to show her face at every event. the process was starting to become a little… stale. and thinking of other things as she drifted around the reception of who even knows whose wedding had brought her to where she found herself, bumped into a stranger with a blooming stain on her gown. good one, krys.
“no, no it’s okay―” she stumbled over her words trying to keep her head down, hoping she wouldn’t be recognized. “that was my fault, i was distracted, don’t even worry about it. sorry about that, sorry..”
